Let's talk about Autism and ADHD

 A few years back I received my autism diagnosis and quite frankly it was liberating and rather emotional. Finally I understood what I couldn't explain for nearly 60 years. The felling of not belonging on this planet was there from very young and got worse the longer I was in school. I never had a sleepover or a birthday party or was invited to a sleepover or a birthday party. Still I love school because I would learn new things and I was a knowledge hoover. Often knew more than my teachers did, especially in history. I was good with numbers. But I struggled writing until I got very ill at the age of 8 and was at home for 2 or 3 weeks. When I was starting to feel better but couldn't go back to school yet because I had lost so much weight and was too weak to walk, I was bored and my dad asked if I wanted to read. I said yes and he brough me a selection of books we had. I read Moby Dick in a day. I also read Treasure Island, 1001 Arabian Nights and other fairy tale books we had lying around. From that day on I was an avid reader and bamboozled my teacher. He was befuddled that I could go from making 30 mistakes to zero within a couple of weeks. Actually I remember one test he was so exhilarated about my flawless writing that he overlooked a mistake in the last sentence. That still makes me chuckle.😁

The only class I was excellent from start to finish were crafting classes. I've got my mum's dressmaker genes by the looks of it. And we made loads, even some idiotic things like a nightgown. I mean come on, we all wore pyjamas. 😬 But we knitted a sweater. I still remember it. It was an ugly brown sweater but at least it was warm. We did all sorts even swapped with the boys once and could do some metal work. Later in secondary school we had a cool crafts teacher. We weaved a scarf, did silk painting, batik t-shirts, we even did pottery. And now comes the part where anyone else would have noticed that something was weird, but my mum didn't because she's also neurodivergent.

Each time when we made a new craft starting from kindergarten, I would go home and do it again, and again, and again. I do remember I even looked into how much a pottery oven would cost. A bit too expensive that's why I never did pottery at home. But I did use plaster of Paris for moulds and figurines and painted them. I must have gone though hundreds of hobbies including candle making over my entire life and I still find new hobbies to entertain me.

So, yesterday I saw a post on substack from a guy I have been following. It was along the lines of Lazy = knowing stuff needs to be done but can't be bothered. ADHD + knowing stuff needs to be done but it's too hard to change tasks.

Anyway, someone replied something like, her husband has ADHD and he was doing task fully concentrated he completely forgot he had ADHD. 

This annoyed me so much. I replied and said he didn't forget he had ADHD. He hyper focussed and if he had been alone he most likely would have forgotten to eat, drink and probably going to the bathroom too. I told her not to make an ADHD trait into something positive and claim she had cured him because it's not a cure it's more of a curse. We all do it and it can be any task, hobbies, work, doom scrolling and even cleaning. And at the end we are extremely exhausted, either mentally of physically and can't do stuff for a few days. It's an imbalance and ADHD meds stop it we are more balanced and don't waste all our energy in one go.

And she had to say something inconsiderate again like we should just try harder.

I replied that we all heard the try harder way too often to not think it was a damned insult. ADHD is not an imaginary illness, that it is neurodevelopmental disorder like autism. That I have over 60 years experience. 

Then she had to say that I had 60 years built up my "imaginary" illness and blablabla.

So I had to burst her bubble and tell her I was diagnosed at 60 and finally everything made sense. I also told her that she should try and show some empathy and listen to people, than thinking she knows everything better. I also told her not to respond again.

Seriously, I have rarely spoken to someone who is that clueless. I really hope he husband is getting the help he needs and doesn't have to deal with a wife who is so inconsiderate and dismisses his diagnosis.

I know only too well what hyper focussing does to you. I have experienced it all my life. I have forgotten to eat and drink and I still would if my husband didn't make sure I do both.

If you ever had someone who told you just to try harder you have my permission to tell the to eff off! Being neurodivergent is not a joke. It's not imaginary. It not only has mental but also physical impacts. We don't need lectures, we need support and acceptance.

If you have your own stories feel free to comment.

Live long and prosper and may the force be with you!